Hey all! NaNoWriMo is still going pretty well. I’ve been struggling today, but I’m still a little ahead of the game. I’ve added quite a bit of angst and mind screw, mainly because I was stuck. Hopefully that helps everything. Also, I hope I didn’t raise the stakes to the point that a character needs to die; that would make me quite sad. I already know that they aren’t going to survive entirely intact (emotionally, mentally, you know).
Taekwondo is also going well. I’m a bit sore from being thrown around yesterday, but all in all, two very fun classes. I’m also starting to notice a difference in my body type, which is cool.
Frustration with Being a Writer
This post has been a long time coming. There are many things that frustrate me with being creative in general. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a writer. It gives me an outlet for all these damn ideas that keep floating around my head and keep me up at night. However, there are some really, really frustrating aspects of being a writer. I’ll be diving into them tonight.
People Don’t Really Get It
Usually this doesn’t bother me. I’m a writer. I enjoy creating. I’m happiest when I’m exploring new ideas. Sometimes it can start to grate on my nerves.
Typical conversation with people:
Person: “Oh, what are you doing?”
Person: “That’s cool, how long until you’re done, a few hours?”
Editing is a long and arduous process. I think it would be better if I said, “I’m rewriting the entire novel so it makes sense”, or something along those lines. Then people would understand the sheer magnitude of that kind of project. I’ve been working on ‘editing’ Opus Aria since mid July. Some people are wondering why I’m not done yet. The people who assume that I’m either published or damning myself to be poor don’t really bother me too much anymore. Sometimes people wonder why I edit, or why it takes me so long to finish a project, or why this, or why that.
Writing is an Activity Done Alone
I like being alone. Especially if I’m writing. Other people just get in the way. If I’m writing, I’m more than likely in my own little world and really not paying attention to anything you say (sorry! its just how it works). I’m socially awkward. I don’t like big crowds of people. They scare the crap out of me. Hell, talking to people I don’t know gets me nervous too. I usually get so shy that I can’t even say something! I’m not a party girl. I enjoy quiet.
The part that gets misconstrued is that I like being alone all the time. I like being around people I know, or around small groups of people. I write. A lot. So its nice to get out and see people (depending). If I don’t interact with people, how can I actually write human interactions? Most of my characters have bits and pieces of people I know in them…so seeing those people allows me to further develop my characters. Erm, so the point is that being alone all the time kind of sucks. It also deprives me of inspiration. Yup.
Creativity Can Really Suck
I did a whole blog post on how being creative can suck. I love being creative. I love it so much. I love being able to create worlds, create characters, write interesting stuff… But…I get depressed often. I often wonder why my life can’t be like what I write, or what I read or watch. Creativity sucks the most when it won’t appear. When I have writer’s block I am far more likely to be depressed. Having all the ideas in the world and not being able to translate them into something coherent? Yeah, that sucks.
On the note of depression…I’ve already mentioned that I think creativity and depression go hand in hand. Well, more that creative people are more likely to end up depressed. It happened today. I don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like eating. I don’t want to do anything. Its the worst feeling in the world. I have these great ideas for where my novel should go and I simply don’t want to write them.
I used to be able to draw inspiration from depression. Now depression is a creative black hole. I could probably write some kickass poetry if I felt like it.
I think that’s everything for now…if I think of more, there will eventually be a part 2!