Another One Bites the Dust…

End_plate_greenLong time no post, right?  It’s been awhile since I’ve checked in – I’ve had a busy year.  It’s hard to believe that it’s actually December.  So I could give the same lame excuses about not posting – busy, didn’t know what to say, didn’t have time, blah blah blah.  Really?  It was a combination of ADHD and depression.  Having uncontrolled ADHD is a pain in the ass at the best of times and can be absolutely crippling at the worst of times.  This year I’d say I fell into the latter.

And when my ADHD is worse, my depression is worse, which makes the ADHD worse…

Well, you get the picture.

It feels absolutely bizarre to have not written for so long.

This year was a disappointing writer year for me.  Last year, in the midst of the worst depressive episode I’ve had in ages, I managed to complete three novels.  I did so much writing.  It was incredible.  This year, I never really managed to get myself going.

Every time I managed to get the urge to write, something came up and it was gone.  I overworked myself this year.  Last year I did too much writing, this year, not enough.  I need to learn balance.  I know it’ll come with time, but it sucks that at 27 I still haven’t learned that fine art.

However, despite all the disappoints that this year brought me in writing, there are still positives.  Despite the fact that I didn’t do much writing, I think I still managed to write almost every single day.  So there’s that goal.  And I’ve gotten better at reaching out for help – which I think it largely due to the fact that I started RPing on tumblr.  I used to be afraid of writing with other people like this, but I’ve met some really great friends and I hope to continue exploring worlds and characters with them.

And I finally took that step and applied for grad school.  Graduate school has been something I waffled on for ages, I’ve been afraid of making the commitment, afraid of taking the risk and finding out that I’m not good enough.  But one of my realizations this year was that I’ve been complacent with what I have.  That it’s time for me to move forward rather than hovering in the same spot indefinitely.  So my first step in that direction was applying to grad school.  I don’t know if I’ll get in and I had the weirdest panic attack before I hit submit, but I’m trying.  If I don’t get in to grad school, I’ll be attempting to find a job at a private high school.  I really enjoy teaching writing and English, so I’d like to give that a try.

I had been rather inspired by one of the booths at a convention I went to – they sold their own books alongside other things, and I was hoping to give conventions a try again.  It was a slap of reality when this year they weren’t actually selling their self-published books.  I asked them why and they said it wasn’t fiscally possible and well.  That hit hard.  So perhaps conventions aren’t my smartest choice – at least not anime conventions.  People don’t really go to anime conventions going to buy books – unless they’re me.  I’m weird that way.  Really weird.

So my goal for the end of 2015 is to regain some momentum in my novel writing.  I will be publishing Opus Crescendo during 2016, preferably within the early portion.  Opus Requiem will possibly be 2017 for publication then.  I had hoped to get the Opus quartet completely done and published by the end of 2016, but my goals need to be realistic.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck through with me.  You mean the world.  Here’s to continued writing and adventure.

~LL

 

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